Americans like their debt.
Consumers have roughly 18 trillion dollars of it.¹
Most of this is mortgage debt. What some might call "good" debt. There is also plenty of "bad" debt to go around.
Ramsey Solutions has the data on credit cards:
Eight out of 10 adults in America have at least one credit card, and 48% of them carry a balance within a given year (meaning they don't pay their credit cards down to zero each month, so they have credit card debt). That's over 100 million people with this kind of debt. The average credit card debt per person is $6,501—with the total in America hitting $1.13 trillion.²
For some, debt is manageable; for others, it is addictive.
There are those who go on a kind of prohibitionist and teetotaling mission against debt—get rid of all of it. While others do their best to be moderationists.
Did you know that there is even an AA for debtors? I didn't. It's called Debtors Anonymous.
They have a list of questions that are worth asking about debt whether or not creditors are calling.³ Here are several that I found useful:
- “Are your debts making your home life unhappy?
- Does the pressure of your debts distract you from your daily work?
- When faced with a difficult financial situation, does the prospect of borrowing give you an inordinate feeling of relief?
- Does the pressure of your debts cause you to have difficulty sleeping?
- Has the pressure of your debts ever caused you to consider getting drunk?
- Have you ever borrowed money without giving adequate consideration to the rate of interest you are required to pay?”
Introspection aside, the first question is imperative.
If you are married, you and your spouse should be on the same page here, and the best way to do it is through open conversations. Transparency about the kind of debt you currently have and the kind of debt you would go into is critical. Here are some questions to ask one another:
- What story about debt in your family of origin has influenced you? Is it good, bad, or horribly ugly?
- What has been your relationship in the past with debt? Is it positive or negative?
- Do you have credit cards that I don't know about or any other kind of debt that I don't know about?
- What is your credit score?
- Do you owe any money that is not easily traced to friends or family members? Would you ever do this? Why or why not?
- If we use credit cards regularly, are we paying them off regularly? Why or why not?
- If we are paying off debt, should we do something differently with our repayment plan?⁴
- If we are paying off debt, what do you think about our progress so far?⁴
- If we are paying off debt, should we switch jobs or add a job—even if it requires moving—to deal with it?
- If we are paying off debt, should we ever use a retirement plan to do so?
- If we are paying off debt, how should we celebrate small victories so that we don't get emotionally distant and focus more on the mission than each other?
- Do we have something on the horizon (roof, appliance, etc.) that may cause us to go into debt that we should save for now?
- If we don't have any debt, is there anything that you would want to go into debt for (family vacation, vehicle, kids' education, our education, etc.)? Why or why not?
Before you start running all the numbers about debt, start asking questions.
Curiosity may bring better knowledge of yourself and connection with your spouse.
You may love or hate debt; just don't let it destroy your heart and the hearts of those you love.
Love is worth more than money or debt can buy.
¹ "Quarterly Report on Household Debt and Credit," First Quarter of 2025, Federal Reserve Bank of New York. Accessed online: https://www.newyorkfed.org/medialibrary/interactives/householdcredit/data/pdf/HHDC_2025Q1
² "Average American Debt," May 13, 2024. Accessed online: https://www.ramseysolutions.com/debt/average-american-debt?srsltid=AfmBOorf0JiH8Q_dGY9tScp5jrmQ-kdSnpSZlk-ATIFPNMpGhAf7h-GP
³ "Is D.A. for You?" Accessed online: https://debtorsanonymous.org/getting-started/is-da-for-you/
⁴ "85 Financial Questions to Ask Your Partner," You Need A Budget, April 17, 2025. Accessed online: https://www.ynab.com/blog/84-questions-to-ask-your-partner-about-money